Snake

Woke up to this guy on the way to the garage. No coffee, eyes half-open, zombie-walking to the car to drop the kids off at school, and this three and a half foot snake was staring at me.

I don’t do snakes. They’re not something I ever want to be near. Finding one in the wild always makes me Biden my pants. The last one received quite a few 2x4 blows to the head while I cried and yelled, “DIE MONSTER! DIE!”

We live in the mountains, so random animals are very common. We regularly get turkeys, deer, and coyotes, and they’re all pretty chill. The rare snake or mountain lion sightings are not something we’re cool with.