Honestly, I don’t know why I do this to myself. There are so many good movies out there, yet I choose the bottom-of-the-barrel garbage that 2020+ continues to spit out.

The story follows fake Captain America, Inara, and what is possibly the worst character ever to exist in a movie as they fight for their survival. In their world, invincible monsters suddenly pop up out of the ground, annihilating 95% of Earth’s population - yet these unstoppable killing machines won’t travel above 8,000 feet in elevation. Why 8,000 feet? Where did they come from? Why are they here? Your guess is as good as mine.

At no point during this hour-and-a-half movie do they even bother to answer those questions. The most we get is Inara looking up at the sky, as if we’re supposed to assume the creatures are aliens, despite the fact that they’re ground dwellers who track human prey by smelling carbon dioxide. All other living creatures are left alone. Don’t bother looking for reasons for that either. This is purely a story about a dad trying to retrieve medicine from below the 8,000-foot limit so his son can breathe - or whatever.

The only redeeming quality of this movie is that the obnoxious, arrogant, and hideously unattractive female character with eyebrows the size of Baja California dies a painful death. That was a stand up and cheer at the TV moment. Every second “eyebrows” was on screen was a masterclass in how to be inept and serve as a danger to others. She lacked the basic skills to swing an axe, shoot a rifle, kill and dress a deer, or avoid shooting an M203 grenade behind her, potentially causing her friends to explode.

I’m going to start keeping track of the worst movie characters ever to grace us with their presence because “eyebrows” will undoubtedly make the top five. The movie ended three hours ago, and I’m still smiling at her death.

Please don’t waste your time on this. I suffered, but that doesn’t mean you need to as well.

Rating: ⭐